Jan 8 entry

Learning, living and loving

2006 was a very momumental year for me. It was very fast I never had the time to examine how it was going.

Last year started with chasing thesis and publication deadlines, amid fears I wouldn't be graduating on time. But four months later, I was singing the UP hymn "UP Naming Mahal" and close to tears, armed with pure optimism and excitement of what my future would be. Around May, I was already chasing deposed President Joseph Estrada for an interview. A month after, I was given a beat, which was an unlikely opportunity given to a cub reporter.

Since then, I wrote big news stories, chased popular figures, knocked off cameras getting in my way, and argued with unruly bodyguards and security aides. I had my own money, a post-paid phone account, a high-end communication gadget, a camera phone, and a thousand contacts in my phonebook.

At one point I was so amazed at what was happening..I was meeting people, going places, and probably even initiating change through my stories. Clearly, everything was a dream come true. I was practically having the time of my life. Everything was perfect. Or so I thought.

Maybe I got so overwhelmed and..I might have pushed some people away. I made mistakes, hurt some people who were with me from Day 1. And that's why I'm terribly sorry.

Probably one of my biggest regrets was I lived my life too fast. I made rash decisions, thinking I had no luxury of time. I made wrong decisions, really. However, wishing I could take back all the things I have said and done would be tantamount to wasting much more time. Crying for spilt milk is futile.

I don't want to think I messed it all up. I don't want to blame destiny, either. Everything I did was basically an offshoot of a choice, a move only I could be held responsible. Nobody ever chose for me.

It was I who didn't stop to smell the flowers, so to speak. It was I who rode a cab almost everyday just to avoid big buses on the high-way. All I ever thought was arriving at my destination, without thinking how wonderful a journey could be.

I forgot sending out birthday greetings to my friends. I often forgot to text my loved ones and ask them how their day was.

But philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein was right when he said that life is essentially composed of stumbling and falling; what is important is we pick ourselves up after each fall.

And what are second chances for? So, welcome 2007. I'm a better, stronger woman now.

-Thea Alberto, January 8, 2006.

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Ay ang drama ko noon! hehe :)